Tag: joe-biden

MAGAnifying the News

Donald J. Trump to Anchor Nightly News Program MAGAnifying What Americans Need to Know

The White House Office of Publicity (WHOP) will soon announce the production and distribution of the Evening News with Donald J. Trump, (ENDJT), a 7-night-a-week strip show featuring America’s favorite President, Donald J. Trump, presenting the day’s news.

Mr. Trump will be both the Anchor and Managing Editor of the program that, like its closest model время (Vreyma), will run at varying lengths as determined by Mr. Trump in his personal assessment of the most important news of his administration.

Appearing as the most trusted man in America and the most successful media personality ever in his own right, Donald Trump delivering the news personally, and with his customary authenticity and empathy, is following in the footsteps of other iconic politicians whose distinctive voices penetrated deeply into the homes and lives of Americans at other times in our history. In eras past, the Little Flower and King Franklin informed, entertained, and delighted Americans with their radio programs providing humor, comfort, and reassurance during previous dark days in our history.

The Evening News with Donald J. Trump will MAGAnify the news of the day in a carefully curated program to explain and educate Americans about the important accomplishments of this administration. Even before its debut, it is already acclaimed as a WHOPping success and model for successive administrations.

There will be days when Mr. Trump will simultaneously appear as the nation’s cheerleader, advocate, blame assessor, and even the consoler-in-chief. When necessary, he will FIRE on-camera those who have failed their assignments (real or perceived) in his administration. When there is a gap in real news but still plenty of room for fake news, alternative facts, and speculation, audiences can count on the ENDJT to fill any silence with entertaining asides, especially whenever he goes off TelePrompTer, offering insights and opinions which are second to none.

Few personalities are more suited to presenting the complex News of The Day, much less giving commentary and perspective.

Few men have the clout of Mr. Trump, whose personal love for and friendship with world leaders, including Kim Jong Un, Bibi Netanyahu, Viktor Orbán, and ‘Uncle Vlad’ Putin, all of whom have repeatedly expressed such admiration for this American President. It’s expected that world leaders will clamor to take President Trump’s perfect phone calls live, responding jovially, and following his extemporaneous instructions for their domestic policies.

Domestically, the men and women of the Republican Party, from cabinet secretaries to congressmen (no longer woke-gender-corrected to include congresswomen) and even governors, who demonstrate over-the-top fealty to their President, will appear nightly to obsequiously offer eerie prayer and praise.

Nightly features on the faults and foibles of previous Democratic administrations, including Barack Hussein, Crooked Hillary, and Sleepy Joe, among so many others in state and local governments, will be highlighted.

Weather reports will be presented with Sharpie pens. Governor of Canada, and its former prime minister, Justin Trudeau, will report on lake-effect snowstorms and the Arctic Express.

Traffic will be reported by an avatar looking suspiciously like a Pete Buttigieg piñata.

Business news will feature real estate, hotel, and hospitality items.

Segments on cryptocurrency will feature reports from the President’s son, Barron.

A nightly special segment for hunting enthusiasts will tabulate the number of immigrant ICE roundups and deportations, presented using 3D colored graphics for both nationality and racial identification, and enabling audiences to see accomplishments of the administration’s #1 priority.

Also – in the wide world of sports and especially on multiple weekends each month, golf will delight duffers watching the President report from his links. Special offer coupons to selected courses owned by the Trump organization will be auctioned live to raise money for green maintenance.

Dr. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (who has received a medical doctorate from Trump University and was awarded by Presidential Order) will take viewer call-ins on vaccines as well as a wide range of medical topics several nights each week. His segment will be sponsored by major pharmaceutical companies.

Style, beauty, and entertainment, as determined solely by Mr. Trump on the attractiveness of featured individuals (as compared to himself) and the measure of their anatomies, will delight and rivet audiences with their comparisons.

Social media posts will include specially created segments using the subscription model of OnlyFans.

The Evening News with Donald J. Trump may be expected to debut soon on selected broadcast and streaming platforms.

“Stupid Is As Stupid Does” – A Modest Proposal to Everyone Hell Bent on Punishing California

While facts (real or alternative) rarely seem to matter either to Trump or the GOP… maybe their proposal to punish California for its flagrant disregard of sound forest management is ripe for implementation.

Or maybe just ripe? Why do so many GOP legislators in Washington want to punish Californians in exchange for any mercy or money?

{Let’s remember that according to AI, the Federal government owns 56-70% of California’s forest lands. Private ownership accounts for 40%, leaving the state responsible for just 3%.}

It is high time for a little responsible forest money management.

Starting immediately…

To hell with California’s smelts. Screw the waterfowl. Damn dams are inconvenient, and besides a good dam break and resulting flood is good to clear out slums in decrepit, declining, sanctuary-declared, leftist democrat-led cities and towns. California – the world’s 5th largest economy – needs to get a fiscal haircut and stern reprimand.

Nationally too, there has been too much waste… proverbial pork… bridges to nowhere…

From now on, there will be no federal aid for hurricane relief in the Gulf States. No hurricane is a surprise… many are charted with Sharpies, so we all know where in advance they will strike.

Lava flows in Hawaii? Ha! Eruptions can be largely predicted and lava moves slowly. If someone cannot get out of the way, it’s their fault.

Earthquakes too… a little rattle and roll is good for enhancing your rhythm.

As far as Tornado Alley is concerned, a good readjustment of topsoil is good for everyone. While the Dust Bowl is an ancient memory, moving a chunk of Kansas to Illinois seems reasonable, and less expensive than by truck or rail cars.

Nor’easters in New England? Not a worry. Just think of lobsters clawing their way as they relocate to higher ground in Penobscot Bay. They have 10 legs. Use them. No transportation subsidies for them.

Certainly, we have to stop reimbursing Springfield, Ohio residents for the loss of their pets; even if they were delicious.

Isn’t chicken the new white meat anyway… or was that more pork?

And let’s not forget about Alaska… high time to stop spending money on binoculars for a better glimpse of Russia from our windows.

Montana? Sorry… no money for you for errant Chinese spy balloons falling from the sky, even if that carnage might cause the buffalo to stampede. Bison meat… certainly exportable to global markets without government trade sanctions is good too.

And farm subsidies are a thing of the past.

And pork… government pork? Nope… it’s your bacon in the fire from now on.

FEMA? Cast off into the dustbin of history.

I think it is wonderful that Congress is finally stepping up to put some much-needed and long-overdue fiscal controls on flagrant emergency spending to help American citizens.
It’s high time to put a stop to this financial drip, a leakage that is undermining the inherent strengths of the states and allowing good Americans to rely on handouts in emergencies, even when all else has been lost.

The wildfires in LA are the proverbial (flammable) straw that broke the camel’s back.

And we should punish nature too when Mom doesn’t provide enough rain.
Let’s cloud-seed the skies… until the heavens burst, and who cares about flooding in Missouri, Iowa, or along the Mississippi?

The reappearance of, “Stupid is as Stupid Does” reportedly dates to 1862
Anthony Trollop used it in 1882.
Forrest Gump popularized it in 1994.
Thank goodness Congress has restored it to our lexicon by its actions in 2025.

Why don’t the American media and Op-ed writers see this as clearly as I do?

Jonathan Swift surely would approve of all this.