Out with the Damn French! When We Take Over Canada, the First Thing to Do is Trade Québec for Greenland

Absorbing Canada as the 51st State Poses Problems

Should the USA prevail in carving out Canada as our 51st state, an as-yet- unasked-and-unanswered question remains: what do we do with Québec?

What can we do with the 9.1 million Francopholic Francophiles whose allegiance to l’État Québécois is unshakable? Whose affection for the Tricolor (drapeau national de la France) and the Fleurdelisé (drapeau du Québec) surely exceeds their devotion to the Maple Leaf? Not to even mention the Stars and Stripes.

Remember too their overwhelming preference for Canadian maple syrup far trumps their liking of what’s considered sub-par versions from New England.

What do we do with a second front of migrants from Canada, just as we’re trying to stem the tide of Spanish-speaking invaders from the south?

The answer is embarrassingly simple, and although I have yet to hear this solution proffered by authorities in Washington, DC, it seems that we trade… we’re big on trade anyway… we trade Québec for Greenland.

The Danes get 9 million former Canadians to fit into 836,330 square miles easily. No overcrowding! Plenty of room to grow.

In turn, the 56,583 Greenlanders will fit far more comfortably into the old Québec confines of 595,391 square miles. Again, good for all parties… room to spread out and prosper.

The French emigres will be closer to Le Belle France transported to the edge of Europe, far closer to le mère France than than when they were abandoned to au milieu de null part au Canada (the middle of nowhere).

At first, it might not be easy. On the streets of Nuuk, one might hear the transplants saying, Je ne parle que français only to be responded to with Parlez danous si’l vous plaît… with the former Canadians responding Jeg taler ikke dansk.
But with a few weeks of Google translate, this will all sort itself out.

And since most Danes already speak English, their assimilation will be a piece of cake, what we all know to be et stykke kage.

This is all going to work out splendidly.

Problem Solved.

Crisis Averted.

Washington? You’re welcome.