The Capitol Transformed – Reimagined & Enhanced for the Inauguration

What if this was true…

We have heard tales that workers putting the final touches on the Inside-the-Capitol-Inaguration have completed improvements just in time for Monday’s ceremony.

The famous marble and bronze statutes have been reimagined as animatronics showcasing leading cabinet nominees and contributors, including Pete, Stephen, Marco, Kristi, Pam, Elon, Mark, JD, Vivek, and Kristi, among others.
There is even one for wanna-be and almost-weres like Matt, his shown cowering just aside the entrance to the Ladies room.
Demonstrating politically inspired internationalism, Chinese businessmen Shou Zi Chew, Vladimir, Viktor, and Bibi are also presented in the rotation. As a nod to media and entertainment, Sean & Tucker will look down benevolently thanks to a projection illuminating the Capitol dome and sponsored by a national news broadcaster.

The marble walkway, used by tourists gathering on January 6th, 2024, in what will be henceforth only be remembered as a celebration of love, has been repaved with gold nuggets, thanks to Hollywood and Silicon Valley titans eager to pay homage to the Wicked king.

All guests will be handed ballots for next year’s Nobel Awards which they can deposit in specially festive ballot boxes located conveniently at the exits and protected by armed Capitol police.

The historic 12×8 foot, oil portraits featuring iconic scenes of American history, including the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the surrenders of Burgoyne and Cornwallis, the Landing of Columbus, and others, are updated with more contemporary imagery featuring President Trump:
Teeing off for yet another hole-in-one at Mar-a-lago
Descending the golden escalator at Trump Tower
Clandestinely tallying his score on the 19th hole at Bedminster
Hurling rolls of paper towels to victims of the hurricane in Puerto Rico
Introducing Elon at a campaign stop in Pennsylvania
Straddling the Korean DMV with Kim Jong Un
Musing in his Moscow hotel room at the Miss Universe Pageant
Locking metal gates at the southern border as tears stream down the cheeks of the Statute of Liberty weeps

Of course, while the mainstream, lame-stream media will most likely not include these artistic improvements in their coverage, but a fawning press corps eager to show allegiance will be briefed in the White House press room shortly after the ceremonies are concluded. Stay tuned.